COURT DATE ANNIVERSARY!! Can you relate??

I was going through the stuff jammed in every page of my Bible (does anyone else do that?) My love language is cards... they're like little presents in the mail. I save the special ones I want to keep forever in the pages of my Bible.

I also stuff photos and notes and keepsakes. I surprised myself Sunday by finding a paper with COURT DATE written on top with the date June 10, 2008. It brought tears to my eyes remembering how I felt when I wrote these words one year ago....

Journal entry:
I'm feeling today (5/22/08)
*Losing Heart
*Feeling a sense of loss
*motivation is low
*crushed in spirit
Psalm 9:1-2 I want to remember/recount all of Your wonderful deeds. I will give THANKS to the Lord with my whole heart. I will be glad and exalt in You! Praise Your Name!
Luke 18... DO NOT LOSE HEART. ALWAYS PRAY!!
I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy! Court date June 10th...
Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will CALL on Him as long as I live!

I was at Kanakuk K-Kauai with Awesome M (just the 2 of us) and the entire staff and Kamp families were cheering us for our big court date the entire week. I was a nervous wreck all day June 10th (2008) My son was wonderful and kind and sensitive to his mom who was on the brink of a crazy breakdown IF WE FAILED!! I was eating lunch in the dining hall when the 703 number popped up on my cell. My heart jumped out of my chest.... this was it ZOIE WAS GOING TO BE OURS!!

Duni's voice did not sound happy. She told me we did not pass. Our POA forgot to add us to the list of families for court June 10th. He forgot us. He forgot my daughter and forgot our family. I was devastated. I was sooooo angry at a man on the other side of the world. I wanted to yell at him and make him feel as horrible as I was feeling. It was a blow to my heart.

Everyone at Kamp was incredible. The downfall...I was asked over 100+ if we passed court. I held it together and tried to explain that we didn't "lose" Zoie, but we would have to wait until our next court date to legally call her our daughter. Roger was out of town and Awesome H was at another camp, so my son planned a special night "out on the town" to cheer me up. I was so sad. My BF Andrea had failed court 10+ times & I watched her agony to keep the faith that they would pass. I didn't want a repeat, but it was possible!!

Miraculously, we passed our 2nd court date with flying colors. I will never forget the sweetness that poured over me when I heard Duni say YOU PASSED!!! I had been scrubbing the bathroom and had on bright yellow scrubby gloves (I swear) I dropped to me knees and wept tears of joy...gloves and all. I don't ever want to forget the feelings and emotions and pain when I heard YOU DID NOT PASS. God allows my heart to feel deeply burdened to pray for AWAA friends and adoptive families I don't even 'personally' know in the bloggy world.

I pray that NO MATTER WHAT trials or testing you are facing in your adoption.... you remember that God is in control and He won't allow your child to stay a second longer than HE HAS ALREADY PLANNED.
I commit to pray and cheer and support and hold your hand as you wait for your children. It's my honor!!!!!!!!!!

Please let me know who you are and how I can pray for you on your journey.